Next month, thousands of teenagers will find out whether they've gotten into their university of choice. For most, it's a time of great anticipation.. For others, namely the shy, socially anxious, or introverted amongst us, apprehension and worry may be more dominant emotions. As someone who suffers more than a touch of this myself, I want to offer a few practical tips.
I'm not going to lie, uni isn't easy for shy or introverted people. The experience favours the loud and sociable, and almost all of it requires interaction with others. I'm not just talking about parties, unfortunately - many universities now grade you on class contribution. But please, please don't let this put you off. While still undoubtedly a very shy person, I have so much more confidence and independence than I had prior to starting my degree in September 2012.
* Choose a uni within a couple of hours of home. You'll be far enough away to 'start a new life' and to meet new people without preconceptions of you, but close enough that you can still hop on a train back home for the weekend if you're feeling overwhelmed. That said, try to spend as much time as possible in your new city in order to find your feet.
* Don't commute - live in halls. One thing I've learnt from the experiences of friends - even the more outgoing ones - is that those who live away from the rest of the students have a considerably tougher time fitting in. Flatmates are the first friends you make, and tend to be the closest (although that wasn't true for me), plus you won't be able to attend as many events and activities as everyone else. Don't panic if you have to live at home; there are still classmates to befriend, as well as societies to join.
* Take one of life's few opportunities to freely reinvent yourself. No one knows who you are here. If there's something you don't like about yourself, you can change it. I'm not saying change who you are at heart, or what makes you stand out, but if you feel your image is holding you back, it doesn't have to at uni. Go by a new nickname, if you want to. Dye your hair, if you want to. Get new clothes, if you want to. Be the person you've always wanted to be. No one knows you yet to question it.
* Force yourself to go out on the first night of Freshers'. So, I know you probably don't relish the idea of parties, especially with people you don't know yet. But give it a shot. To be brutally honest, most of the bonding between housemates happens during Freshers' and if you don't give it a try, you'll be missing out on that. If you absolutely hate it and can't stomach the idea of doing it again, you don't have to. I didn't. But at least you'll have shown your housemates that you're interested in becoming friends. Plus it'll give you discussion material the next day, if you're stuck for ideas.
* Spend time in the communal areas. Don't do what I did and eat all your meals in your room. Eat in the kitchen, and from time to time, do some studying in there, too. You don't even have to talk to your flatmates much, as you'll be busy eating/writing essays/reading textbooks/whatever, but you'll look sociable and friendly anyway. Plus it's easier to make conversation when you're otherwise distracted, as opposed to sitting their awkwardly, staring at your hands!
* Seek out your university's counselling services. If you haven't chosen your uni yet, it's worth looking for one that has good services in this area. Social anxiety is something they see all the time; they know how to deal with it. I know it's scary. I tried it myself, and I still can't believe I actually turned up. But once there, they were so welcoming and reassuring, and they helped me a lot.
* Don't limit your socialising to flatmates and classmates. Open mic nights, gym classes, volunteering, reading groups, part-time jobs, local groups and community events are great ways to meet likeminded new people. I study in Liverpool, and have met so many fellow Beatles fans just by hanging out at the Cavern Club. Poetry readings, open mic nights and reading groups are fantastic places to meet people with similar interests to me (I'm a Creative Writing student). Open to religion? Joining a local church can help, and some offer programmes for young people to help in the community.
* Decorate your flat for the holidays. So, this is a tip you probably haven't before and it sounds trite, I know. But I found this was so important in my first year for getting us all together and raising the community spirit! We put up a tree (no need to break the bank - it was £6 from the charity shop) in the living room and decorated it together, while listening to some Christmas music. It was the first time we really actively wanted to spend time together, and we all hung out afterwards.
* Realise you don't need to be loud to be liked. It can seem that way because the most confident students are often the most popular. But 'likeable' and 'loud' are not one and the same. When I think of my noisy, popular classmates, I realise that their popularity doesn't even derive from their chattiness, but their general amicability. They're just friendly and easy to be around. Try to be pleasant, polite and approachable and you'll be flying. If you can make people laugh, even better.
* Smile. I realise this sounds corny, but hear me out. A relaxed and happy smile (even if it's fake) makes up for a lack of words. Imagine there are two people in the group who aren't joining in with the conversation much. One looks relaxed and has a smile on her face, the other looks surly and uptight. Who would you prefer to be around, even if she isn't talking a great deal?
Are you feeling nervous about going to uni? Did this post help you at all?
I can write a more in-depth post about my experiences of being a socially anxious person at uni, if anyone would like that.
Feel free to ask any questions.
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